good conversations have rabbit holes
the more I talk with people, the more I realize there's a common pattern in each conversation. they all have rabbit holes. each rabbit hole becomes a fun place to take both of us, we start by chatting about dating apps, and we end up talking about the algorithms that drive them. to end up taking about something completely different after.
the common pattern i see is like navigating a tree. as you go through the tree, for example, starting to ask about someone else's wedding planning. they tell you it's going crazy, because they have issues with their food caterer. then you talk about your own experience with caterers. somehow you end up talking about your favorite foods, or the best weddings you've been to.
after you exhaust the branch, I've found it fun to go up the leaves, then explore the next section of the branch. for example, we're done talking about the dining caterers, now you ask about their parents, and if they're helping them plan some of the logistics. and on and on you go.
bad conversations rarely go down branches. when I was dating, I would end up in some conversations where for some reason, maybe lack of interest, neither of us would want to go down a rabbit hole. people call them, "transactional", it feels more like:
"any pets", "yes, two", "cool!", "any silblings", "yeah, two", "cool!"
subject to subject. until we're done with the basic questions.
how to go down a rabbit hole? I think you have to be interested in each root and find something about your life that you can bring to the topic. if someone says they live in Nebraska, you can say you know someone that used to live there, or that you enjoy college football.
seems like a simple thing to do, but not easy, you have to be paying enough attention, which is already hard enough. and you have to care about what the other person's saying.
eventually, you will run out of rabbit holes to go down, or either of you get tired. but I find these types of conversations fun. kind of like unraveling each other's lives. maybe you end up realizing you have a shared third cousin, or that you have friends in common. you never know.